i've been daydreaming about when grad school will be over. when i will be able to have leisure time. when i'll be able to have a real vacation. when i can fill my days and nights with other things, like traveling and visiting friends. when it doesn't matter what time i wake up, and i don't have to worry about deadlines.

deadlines. i wish i actually had deadlines. it would be nice for someone to say, this is what you need to do, have it done by x. instead, i have a perpetually growing list of things i need to accomplish that should all be done as quickly as possible. as in yesterday. and we don't know if it will work out, but you should still have it already finished. the last few weeks have been utterly stressful and manic. i have been working my ass off, and while things have yielded results, i am tired.

i love science, i really enjoy thinking about new things and teaching. but i am burnt out. i need a real break. not a few days, i need a few months to decompress. and not knowing when that will happen is weighing me down. i have a thesis committee meeting on thursday, when hopefully we will discuss a timeline for my graduation. but at this point it could be anywhere from may 2008 to may 2009 or later, and i am trying to not think too much about it being the latter. i feel ready to graduate soon, ready to take on a new project, ready to leave philadelphia and its sucky weather, ready to not be in school anymore. i only hope my committee feels the same.