things are finally slowing down a little bit, not meaning that i've finished everything i need ot do, but not having to prepare for talks has really taken a weight off my back. but i'm tired of tlakign about work. i feel like i only have sciency things to talk about, all the time. most likely because i havne't had time for any other interests.

but, in one week i am goign to london! i'm getting so excited! and i'm going to see patrick stewart in macbeth, captain picard in macbeth! it will be amazing! (!!!)

i've also booked my trip to colorado for the conference i am attending. after all my travel funding, i have about $250-300 left over, so i'm going to try to swing that into attending another conference, though not in swanky breckenridge at a fancypants ski resort. (note to self, take ski lessons before february.) but i'm hoping ot go to san diego for the aacr annual meeting. its a huge meeting, and if i can find someone to share a room with i think i could swing it. gotta work on that...

i've also realized i have a crush on a boy in my program. i always thought he was attractive, but the last few times i've seen him my heart has done a little flip flop, totally out of the blue! this would be a happy development, having a crush is fun and gives me motivation to girlie-ify myself in the morning. however, i have determined the only reason i now have this heart racing response is that (1) he shows no romantic interest in me and (2) i've been warned off of him due to him hooking up with other girls in our program. uninterested with a sketchy reputation, sounds like just my type!

so, now aware of my past behaviors, and the necessity to NOT GET INVOLVED WITH MEN WHO TREAT ME BADLY, i am refusing to act flirtatious in any way. i will not throw myself at him, will not go out of my way to talk to him, and will not (after my previous discussions leading to the discovery of this not so great reputation) talk about my unrequited lust for this boy. though i have the sneakign suspicious that the more i deny it and the more i tell myself no, the more attractive i will find him.

what is it about the lure of the unattainable??? sometime, i'd like to want what i CAN have!